Wednesday, May 26, 2010

Strength?

I have never thought of myself as a strong person, but I am often reminded of the truth, by a memory. When I worked at Chili's I had a great group of girlfriends. We would often get off the lunch shift during the week and grab our own lunch over at Chevy's. It was always about food, margaritas, complaining about our boss, planning our next shopping trip and of course boys, but for some reason this one afternoon the conversation was a little different. We decided to share what we loved most about each other. (I know, SO girly)! I don't remember how is started, or what I said about each person, nor what they said to me, except for one. She told me I was the strongest person she had ever met. I was shocked. Before that day, I would have never used that word to describe myself. I'm not sure what I had done to give her that impression, but it has stuck with me all these years. Right now there are a lot of women struggling that need strength, so sometimes my struggles seem a little silly to me, but it's my blog, and I can only speak for my experiences. I have been struggling with my diet. I am losing weight and gaining momentum, but it has been, and will continue to be an uphill battle. There are so many people who have told me "wow, I know I couldn't do it!", which is exactly what I thought, but here I am doing it. Winning the battle, each day inching a little further up the hill. Proving to myself that I truly am strong, I truly have what it takes. It's funny how we often need to be reminded of our own character. I was sitting on the couch tonite, alone, thinking, "how could you not see that you are strong? You are the wife of firefighter. You keep everything going and hold yourself together while he is gone. Something so many women say they could never do. It looks like you are capable of so many things others would consider unthinkable." (And then I thought about a military wife, so don't think I don't have it all in perspective or I'm just tootin' my own horn). But I have learned as I continue up this hill which I decided to climb, that she is still there. That strong girl who was an inspiration to her friend at Chevy's. And now that I see what I am capable of, I am thinking about embarking on many other climbs. Once you open the door, and see that it is possible for you, no hill seems to steep to conquer.

Tuesday, May 4, 2010

Day 1 and counting...

Some of you may know that I have started a diet called Ideal Protein. It is extreme, especially for me, but if all goes well I should be where I want to be in a matter of a few months. Alot of you have wanted to know what it is and how I did yesterday, so I thought I'd post the experience for you. I heard of it through Aaron's co-workers, spoke to a representative and decided to do it. It is a protein diet, cutting out all sugars and carbs. There is prepackaged food, supplements, a menu I follow, and the dreaded NOT ALLOWED list! I got up yesterday, hopeful, and made my omelet, it was ok. At lunch I had mushroom soup, which was good, and choked down 2 cups of veggies/salad. It's not that it was bad, it's just alot more than I'm used to eating. I decided to break it up a bit, so I am eating more often throughout the day. I was doing fine until I went to the grocery store. I just went get veggies and it was the worst experience of my life! All the things I've had to give up for the next few months were staring me in the face. Why do they have to put the cake mix and the spices on the same isle! :( I also realized I will have to stop entering the store on the bakery side, the smell of fresh baked bread nearly brought me to tears (literally!). The funny part was when I went to check out. The clerk asked me what was for dinner, and I nearly teared up again, but tried to answer. When I tried to summarize what I was doing it was very hard for me to put the words together. Then when I paid I got the change all wrong. I was so flustered and just wanted to leave! I know that the mind works off of sugar from carbs, but as I was home alone all morning I hadn't interacted with anyone and hadn't realized how my new diet was affecting me until that moment. I had to laugh, knowing this will only be temporary and I should have known better than to speak to anyone. I'll have to keep it simple the rest of the week. I felt a little spacey and drunk, but was still in good spirits, til the kids got home from school. I was really starting to get hungry and they were eating pretzels and cantaloupe for snack. As I was helping Bobby with his homework at the kitchen table and had to fight the urge to reach into the pretzel bag at least 4 times. It is strange to realize how often you put something in your mouth without thinking about it. So after homework I made my dinner and ate it before we left for baseball and had to save some for later, cuz again I couldn't eat it all, but by the time I got to the baseball field, things were getting rough. I was starting to get a headache, but I made it through the game. Thankfully, Bobby pitched well, so it was a good game. I got home and knew through the headache and the haziness, it was going to take everything I had to be kind to the kids and get them through dinner and showers, storytime and bed. My menu calls for an evening snack, which is a cappuccino drink, which really helped get me through the last few hours and I made it. I went to bed around 9:30. I was exhausted. I felt like I had been run over by a truck. The flu had nothing on the exhaustion I felt. I was done! I thought I had made a huge mistake. I wanted to get my money back! I slept like someone had hit me with a 2 x 4, and this morning I am relaxed, refreshed and ready to try again. I am tired of not feeling that I am the best I can be, I am tired of my life revolving around food. This is my final battle to reclaim the me I know I can be. That's what will keep me going for the next few days as I am struggling to get used to this new diet and then will get me through the next few months as I reshape my body and my life! Thank you all for your support!