Monday, November 2, 2009

Matthew

As I continue this journey of change and of having my life look the way I have always envisioned it there is always the question, what is my true purpose?  Right?  I can eat better, exercise, save money, make meals, but those are all superficial to the soul within.  There is a constant quest for meaning and inspiration in life, not only mine but others as well, I'm sure.  Last night I was given all of the above, confirmation of purpose, meaning and inspiration.  Here is my journal entry...
I often yearn for more in my life, opportunities to do something big, moments that help me realize my purpose, and tonite was one of those moments.  There was no spotlight, no one else to award me recognition, just a conversation at dinner with my 12 year old son.  I struggle to find words to describe how I feel about this young man, this child bestowed upon me by God to look after, to nurture.  He was my gift, my purpose and tonite as I listened to him speak about his life, school, friends, sports, over spaghetti, I realized that I am doing something big.
When I found out I was pregnant with Matthew God reassured me that this was His plan for me.  So many times along the way I have felt empty or lost, not seeing the big picture. But all my yearnings and insecurities about being a good mother and living a purposeful life dissipated as I watched and listened to my son.  He is profound.  I know he is only 12, but I see in him glimpses of the man he will become.  He is confident and yet I see the adolescent hesitation.  He is strong of spirit, not easily broken, and yet he is sensitive.  He has a heart for others, caring and including.  There are so many layers to my son, that I often miss in our daily interactions and I felt truly blessed to have had my eyes opened to see them all tonite.
He is a parent's dream on paper, honors student, straight A's, athlete, polite, easy to brag about, but even when I catch myself gushing I never take credit.  I always tell people "he just came out that way", and that's the truth.  The boy I gave birth to and the young man he is becoming is who God created him to be and my role, or purpose, is to continue guiding him so he can come to full fruition of all God has in store for him.  I could not be more humbled, grateful, blessed or proud...it is more than I ever thought motherhood could be. 
I was affirmed in my purpose and he's such a great kid, I couldn't help but think, I'm getting some of it right!  These are encouraging and inspiring thoughts to continue to improve and to know you are capable of what ever it is you set out to accomplish.
And I MUST give a huge "shout out" to Aaron on this because Matthew is so much like him.  I can't imagine a better man for my son to learn from.

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